"The Real Truth about Success" - the stuff successful people don't tell you

I've read tons of self-improvement books, and some I must say are just over-rated.  They may appear on the best-sellers' list and yes, they may have their fair share of ardent fans, but if they don't speak to me, they don't speak to me.

But this book is kinda different.

Firstly, it's written by a former professional stand-up comedian.  He  now runs a company selling motivation techniques for companies' employees.  So expect "stand up comedian" punchlines in his delivery of the book.

Secondly, it really does say things which many "success" books don't talk about. Like, how your family connections do have a lot to help in bringing you success (Think "Paris Hilton") and how the ones who end up as the bosses may not necessarily be the best in the trade (Think "Dilbert" Comics).

I like his highly pragmatic style and frankly, deep in my psyche, I knew that to be successful, passion alone is not enough.  But I always wonder whether I was just being negative.  Turns out that many people use "passion" indiscriminately as a buzzword but if you really really dig deeper, there is always something else.

These are some of the key take-aways from his book extracted from the last chapter  "The Lazy Reader" (Quick advice for people who'll pretend they've read the book).  I swear I did read the whole book but it's just hilarious to know an author can be this pragmatic to include such a chapter!

The "Real" Success Factors:

 1) "Instant Image Impact" - Using a personal advantage to position oneself as the "solution"even before proving that you have solved the problem before.

2) Clarity, not intelligence, is the biggest determinant of success. That's where the really smart people may lose out.  Like the author said,"Don't let your intelligence prevent you from making sense."

3) Clarity on a consistent basis will establish you as the preferred source, boosting your perceived value, i.e. clients will still come to you for help because you are trusted, not because you are the expert.

4) People rarely seek out or choose the "best" solution. Instead, they choose what makes them comfortable, whether it's the best or not.  Why is McDonald's so successful even though there are others who make better burgers?

5) Don't be shy to leverage on your existing network.  I find this particularly applicable. My first writing job was indeed through someone whom I know - my ex-colleague.  Subsequent jobs were also through a friend!

6) Be and own who you are.  One must be willing to get real about how they are viewed by others, and get past how we want others to see us.

7) If you think your boss is stupid, that person is smart enough to be your boss.

8) Knowledge is not power.  Implementation is power.

168 Hours - You Have More Time Than You Think

Strange how some books don't speak to you until you re-read it.  This book is just what I need to get my act together right now at this stage of my life.

As a mom, wife, family CFO, small-time freelance writer, aspiring yoga teacher, I often struggle to find the right balance on how to utilize my 24 hours a day.

These days, besides watching the stock market a lot more closely (for obvious reasons!), I have also been feeling the urge to grow my writing business and teach more yoga lessons.   I love these three aspects of my life a lot and know I couldn't live without them.  But I only have so many hours to devote, and each does require a certain amount of discipline to delve deep into the craft.  So, very often, I do one a lot more, at the expense of the other or worse, procrastinate and ignore the important stuff.  Finally, I find myself feeling guilty.  I always gave the excuse that there was so much housework to do, so many errands to run, since I am also the chief Maid in the house.

"168 Hours" author Laura Vanderkam had it figured out by asking readers to think of our disposable hours not as daily chunks of 24 hours but more as weekly portions of 168 hours.  It's a very simple but powerful concept.  After all, our Mondays should be very different from our Saturdays and for that matter, Fridays too!  So, why are we so bogged down to looking at our tasks on a day-to-day basis. Also, she forces one to take a close look at what truly makes us feel alive and make sure that we devote a specified number of hours on those areas on a weekly basis.  Certainly, cleaning house everyday does not fall into that category for me.  

I know this book works for me because even before I have finished half of it, I have started to carry out some of the tasks she asked us to do. I have started a time log (in half hour chunks) noting down what I do.   It seems so much like me noting down my daily expenses when I first started on my path to attain financial freedom. Just that this time, it's the limited resource of "time" that I am very careful about.

That very act alone had me subconsciously working my way into serious work.  Because I know I can only do X solid hours each on these three areas of my life "personal finances", "writing" and "yoga" daily, I became extremely wary of distractions like checking FB, Whatsapp etc, which by-the-way do not count as work although many of us are guilty of doing it during "work time".   And productivity has really improved!  Things that I thought I would take at least 2 days took less than that.  I also didn't "plan ahead" as much as I used to, believing that the internal system would weigh the important versus the not-so-important tasks.

I particularly like the fact that I became a lot less frazzled when the house is a tad messier than normal.  In the past, I used to get carried away with cleaning small areas of the house and lost track of time.  Now, I have decided to just chunk it on a particular afternoon!  I also got my two boys to help out more - delegation or outsourcing at work!

Her chapter on "Don't Do Your Own Laundry" speaks to me loud and clear.  She debunked the widely-held belief that "cooking, scrubbing, vacuuming, lunch packing, and laundry" are mandatory tasks under the "caring for the family" core parental competency.  Instead, she insisted, time spent conversing, doing things with the family should be where we need to spend more of our time on! I didn't think of it this way before.  I often felt guilty not being the "good mom" who keeps the house spick and span.  Now, I realize, I was often naggy to my family whenever housework was involved, clean forgetting that why I kept house was really for my family in the first place!

Small things add up. And I hope the changes I make today will really add real joy and fulfillment to my many future 168 hours!

So What Do You Do As A Volunteer?

During the odd occasions when I help out as a volunteer with the Com Chest, some friends have asked what I do.  I tell them I am a "SHARE ambassador" whose main role is to help spread awareness of the SHARE programme through briefings to businesses and government agencies.

Just like this one where I am giving a briefing to Metro staff on how their monthly donations go towards helping 300,000 beneficiaries in Singapore.  Earlier, Comm Chest staff had conducted a mini training workshop for us volunteers. That helped a lot but it took me a while to feel confident to agree to go solo. Strangely enough, once I started speaking, I no longer felt nervous. The message itself was powerful enough. I was merely a conduit and I hope I did the message justice.

Another event I attended was at MND for their public service week.  I was there with other volunteers to help raise funds by selling Com Chest merchandise, ranging from stationery to the cute pink Sharity elephant you can probably make out in the picture.  I learnt that the Sharity Elephant is always sold-out at such events -- Singaporeans are really into their stuffed toys.  Incidentally, the other two volunteers are Indian nationals who have set up their own business here in Singapore.  Talk about giving back --  I salute them for their generosity.  

SHARE is essentially a programme you sign on to make a monthly donation deducted from your payroll, credit card or GIRO.  No amount is too small and this year, the government is matching every dollar of donation made before end of the year   So, don't wait, this is the ideal time to make that donation if you have been pondering over it for a while. 

For volunteers like me who don't wish to commit to specific time slots, the SHARE Ambassador scheme is an excellent arrangement .  You will be alerted to upcoming briefings or events and sign up when you can spare the time.  If you're interested, please do sign up here.  You won't regret it, I promise.

Wake Up & Live

Reading is my all-time favorite past-time. Couch potatoes switch channels; I switch books. 

I now have 4-5 library books at home and I have this silly habit of switching from one to another.  Currently, I'm immersed in this particular title.  The title sounds cliche, I know.  But quite a few of the passages inside resonated with me and this particular one stood out:

"Most of us disguise our failure in public; we disguise it most successfully from ourselves.  It is not hard to ignore the fact that we are doing much less than what we are able to do, very little of what we had planned even modestly to accomplish before a certain age, and never, probably all that we had hoped."

Failure seems like such a strong word.  But if one looks at it again: "underachieving" is indeed a form of failure on our part,  isn't it? 

And I confess, I suffer from that. 

I don't know if I can be like the author and apply that "formula for success". 

But there, a confession is made and that, to me, is already a huge step forward.

One of the amazing things about this book is that it was written in 1936.  By a woman.  I would love to write a book like that.  A book that will be read even half a century later and where the words still hold meaning and truth for someone.  And that even if just a single reader appreciates it enough to take heed of what I wrote , I will feel deeply validated in my grave.

For Richer or Poorer?

Do you hide a secret stash of money away, unknown to your spouse?  Or understate the amount that you spent on your credit card?  Well, there’s a term for that: Financial Infidelity.   It’s to describe any secretive act of spending, holding money or even incurring debt, with the intent to hide it from one’s partner or spouse.

I’ve come across that term from a book sometime back but only recalled it recently when I read a small but interesting news report.  The report spoke of a lucky man from Taiwan who won NT3 million in prize money, but specifically asked that the lottery company keep his win a secret from his wife!  The company went on to add that this was not an isolated case.  There had been seven winners, including women, who had asked to do the same. They’re just the exceptions, I thought at first.  But later, on reflection, I realized that this is indeed a sad but true fact of life for quite a number of couples I know, albeit on a much smaller scale…

There was this friend who shared how she had sold some wedding jewellery and decided to keep the cash in a secret stash.  Yet another was bemoaning how tough but necessary it was to under-declare to her husband the amount she spent on a particular high-ticket item.   What really puzzles me sometimes is why they could confess their doings to us mere friends or acquaintances, yet found it difficult to face their significant others?

And this is happening not just among females. In Shanghai where we used to stay, it is a tradition for wives to hold the purse strings with full access to their spouses’ accounts.  In some companies, some male workers would request that their bonuses be paid in cash and not through their usual bank accounts, so that their wives could not find out.  One way to circumvent the family CFO!

There are many reasons for financial infidelity: an overly-stingy spouse, a spouse who nags too much or “my mother kept a stash away too”.  Under certain rare instances, I suppose, the reasons could be valid.   However, I am personally strongly against it.  It may start small but small things do add up, leading to an erosion of trust and confidence in each other.

In the States, financial infidelity is reported to be a rising trend and the cause for 16 per cent of divorces. Luckily, there are ready experts who have written great books on how to deal with this already.  If you’ve the time and the interest, do zoom in on the following books, which I have handpicked from – where else… our trusty library of course:

1)   Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the the #1 Relationship Wrecker, by Bonnie Eaker Weil

2)   Financial Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Merging Money Styles and Building a Rich Life Together, by Bambi Holzer

3)   Financially Ever After: The Couples’ Guide to Managing Money, by Jeff D. Opdyke

4)   Women, Men & Money: The Four Keys to Using Money to Nourish Your Relationship, Bankbook and Soul, by William Francis Devine, Jr.

Speaking from personal experience, I can say my marriage has not only enriched me spiritually, mentally but financially as well.  My conclusion: marriage and money can and should mix.  I am no expert on how to help couples sort out their financial issues and problems but can only share the following “quote” from which the heading for this blog entry came from:

“I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

I sincerely wish you a financially blissful marriage!

(This article first appeared in CPF's IM$avvy website.)

A call-in to Today Voices Live Show

I was invited by Today "Voices" talk show to be their "live" caller on the topic: "Have our roads become more dangerous?"

Personally, I must say it was quite an interesting experience, almost surreal.  Mid-way, I stumbled.  Hearing your voice live does give one the jitters.

The discussion seemed to focus on putting the blame on a particular group or groups of users, e.g. heavy vehicles or car drivers.  I believe if we continue to finger-point, it's likely to result in more rules, more fines, more disgruntled users.

With an increasing population, are we trading off speed (in the name of productivity) for safety?  I do hope that we will not have to face a disastrous accident before we make safety a priority.

For more on the talk show, do drop by the youtube video of the show.

The Investor Mindset

“Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful.” 

These were words spoken by Warren Buffett at an interview he conducted during the height of the 2008 Financial Crisis. I had them printed out and displayed right in front of me so that I could see them everyday, especially when I am reviewing my stock portfolio  Whenever my portfolio takes a beating or I feel unsure about whether to buy more, his words are a beacon of sanity and wisdom for me.
From the many books I’ve read on investments, there are many strategies and tactics to trade or invest in shares.  There is however one general common theme: you need a highly disciplined mindset to profit from stocks, because you must be different from the general crowd.  Easier said than done, as I’ve found out from my over one decade of investing. 

For me, it was easier to be not “greedy” than to be not “fearful”.  During the past few boom runs, I realized I could steer myself to sell and take profit when the market was getting too hot.  However, when stocks plunge, I get the jitters and failed to act fast and swift enough to buy more, even though I have been preparing myself mentally and financially to do so. 

Just imagine this: blue chip stocks which you have witnessed selling at over $20 plunge to single-digit prices.  Reports of global meltdowns and companies going bankrupt appear in the news everyday.  Everyone you know seems to think it’s time to get out of stocks and go for bonds or gold.

During market crises, I had to brace myself whenever I decide to buy more.  I had checked through the company’s financials and made it a point to buy only well-managed blue chips.  We also used only money that was set aside for investments. 

I knew it was impossible to predict the bottom, and so had to buy more as the stocks trended down.  It was not easy to ignore the doomsayers and the price falls that succeeded every buy order.  My fingers even started to get the jitters when I pressed the order “confirmed” button.  Talk about grit.  There’s no time for lament, only emotion-less, almost robot-like action and an unshakeable faith that stock markets go through cycles. 

After the initial jitters, I don’t think I have ever really lost sleep over our stock portfolio as we were never subject to any financial risks, having set aside our emergency cash funds and having a very low level of debt. 

So far, Warren Buffett’s words have been proven right.  Stocks do rise and usually within the 12-18 months after that. 

The recent Greek crisis and Europe woes have resulted in a gyrating stock market.  The slowing down of China as well as the lagging US economy are likely contributory factors to a global slowdown.  I cannot predict when the next crisis would strike, but I do hope that when that happens, I have the grit and guts to pick up stocks which are undervalued.

(This article first appeared in CPF's IM$avvy website.)