Do you hide a secret stash of money away, unknown to your
spouse? Or understate the amount that
you spent on your credit card? Well,
there’s a term for that: Financial Infidelity.
It’s to describe any secretive act of spending, holding money or even
incurring debt, with the intent to hide it from one’s partner or spouse.
I’ve come across that term from a book sometime back but
only recalled it recently when I read a small but interesting news report. The report spoke of a lucky man from Taiwan who
won NT3 million in prize money, but specifically asked that the lottery company
keep his win a secret from his wife! The
company went on to add that this was not an isolated case. There had been seven winners, including
women, who had asked to do the same. They’re just the exceptions, I thought at
first. But later, on reflection, I
realized that this is indeed a sad but true fact of life for quite a number of
couples I know, albeit on a much smaller scale…
There was this friend who shared how she had sold some
wedding jewellery and decided to keep the cash in a secret stash. Yet another was bemoaning how tough but
necessary it was to under-declare to her husband the amount she spent on a particular
high-ticket item. What really puzzles
me sometimes is why they could confess their doings to us mere friends or
acquaintances, yet found it difficult to face their significant others?
And this is happening not just among females. In Shanghai
where we used to stay, it is a tradition for wives to hold the purse strings with
full access to their spouses’ accounts.
In some companies, some male workers would request that their bonuses be
paid in cash and not through their usual bank accounts, so that their wives
could not find out. One way to
circumvent the family CFO!
There are many reasons for financial infidelity: an
overly-stingy spouse, a spouse who nags too much or “my mother kept a stash
away too”. Under certain rare instances,
I suppose, the reasons could be valid. However, I am personally strongly against
it. It may start small but small things
do add up, leading to an erosion of trust and confidence in each other.
In the States, financial infidelity is reported to be a
rising trend and the cause for 16 per cent of divorces. Luckily, there are
ready experts who have written great books on how to deal with this already. If you’ve the time and the interest, do zoom
in on the following books, which I have handpicked from – where else… our
trusty library of course:
1)
Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering
the the #1 Relationship Wrecker, by Bonnie Eaker Weil
2)
Financial Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Merging
Money Styles and Building a Rich Life Together, by Bambi Holzer
3)
Financially Ever After: The Couples’ Guide to
Managing Money, by Jeff D. Opdyke
4)
Women, Men & Money: The Four Keys to Using
Money to Nourish Your Relationship, Bankbook and Soul, by William Francis
Devine, Jr.
Speaking from personal experience, I can say my marriage has
not only enriched me spiritually, mentally but financially as well. My conclusion: marriage and money can and
should mix. I am no expert on how to
help couples sort out their financial issues and problems but can only share
the following “quote” from which the heading for this blog entry came from:
“I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to
have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and
in health, until death do us part.”
I sincerely wish you a financially blissful marriage!
(This article first appeared in CPF's IM$avvy website.)